“How do you get someone to push you?”
I was taking a wrestling class as a kid and that was the question the coach posed as he demonstrated a new move.
“You push him first. Then he’ll want to push back and you can use his momentum to your advantage.”
That may have been the first practical lesson I was given in the art of influence. People respond in kind. The actions we get are often reactions to our own actions. The question is: how do we begin?
This year has just about come to a close. The Type As among us are probably wrapping up their goals and planning for the new year (if they aren’t finished already). The rest will catch up. Maybe.
I saw a great post from Mark Miller last week on New Year’s resolutions for leaders – and it really challenged my thinking. I’m not sure what your leadership goals are for the new year, but if you haven’t thought about it, I’d suggest picking something from these ideas below.
I don’t think I’ll ever forget one particular college history class. As a business major, I wasn’t extremely invested and the class took place right after lunch. I remember one student team was scheduled to give a presentation on Ancient Roman civilization. Just as I was about to zone out, the back door burst open and a student with a plastic helmet, a sword and a cape came tearing through the classroom. Hot on his heals came another student in a lion outfit. The lion made a diving tackle right in the narrow aisle between our desks, but the gladiator fought him off, stabbed him and then chased him back into the hallway, slamming the door behind him.
Now I was wide awake and ready to learn about Ancient Rome.
This story illustrates the effects drama can have on our words. Oftentimes, it’s not what we say, but how we say it that makes a difference. Here’s why:
I was standing in front of a roomful of corporate employees about to launch into my training session. I knew the course content had the potential to make a strong impact in their communication and relationships and I had some specific learning goals for the group. But I resisted the urge to dive straight in. Instead, I shared a brief but vivid story about a time the principles I was about to teach had produced an incredibly positive result for me. Only then did I transition to the learning objectives and the course content. Just before I finished, I referenced my story once again and encouraged them to use the new principles we had learned and highlighted an obvious way it would benefit them.
I learned the “Magic Formula” from Dale Carnegie. It involves three parts: an incident, an action and a benefit. Whether your presentation is two minutes long or an hour, the Magic Formula provides a reliable structure and clarifies the action we encourage the audience to take. Here’s how it works.
You walk down the hallway at work and just as you are about to greet a co-worker, he instead stares at the floor as he passes by. Later on, you realize in a meeting that a “random” co-worker you smile at each day actually provides your most important reports. So you finally break the ice and introduce yourself. Then at a promotion reception in your honor, an old co-worker congratulates you but you can’t for the life of you remember his name. You fumble for a cliché nickname, leaving both of you embarrassed.
None if this would have happened if your organization simply had name tags.
Dale Carnegie‘s 4th principle for becoming a friendlier person is, “become genuinely interested in other people.” Carnegie explained it like this: “I am very fond of strawberries and cream, but I have found that for some strange reason, fish prefer worms. So when I went fishing, I didn’t think about what I wanted. I thought about what they wanted. I didn’t bait the hook with strawberries and cream. Rather, I dangled a worm or grasshopper in front of the fish.”
Take a moment to think of someone important to you (e.g. boss, spouse, customer, etc.).
What is one thing he or she wants that may not be particularly important to you?
It’s May. Graduation season is upon us. The kids are close to getting out of school for the summer. Maybe you have your vacation all planned out. Regardless, nearly everyone has some collection of summer activities in mind.
I’ve posted about reading before. I’ve shared reading strategies, a comprehensive list of leadership books and inspirational quotes such as Charlie “Tremendous” Jones,’ “You’ll be the same person in a year as you are today except for the people you meet and the books you read.” Unfortunately, not everyone enjoys reading as much as I do. So for now, let me use a more subtle approach and simply recommend five leadership books. Whether you read one or five this summer, I’m positive each one will help take your leadership to the next level.
There are two times most people start thinking about leadership. The first is when they experience poor leadership for the first time. Usually one of their first bosses rubs them the wrong way or they have a poor customer experience from a trusted organization. The second time is when they are put in a position of leadership and experience their first leadership challenge. What once appeared to be so easy, so intuitive, so common sense is now complicated and stressful!
Last month I had the privilege to write a guest post on Eric Jacobson’s leadership blog. I shared the 9 principles Dale Carnegie taught on how to be a leader. (Dale Carnegie is author of the classic book How to Win Friends and Influence People). This was one of the most enjoyable posts I’ve ever written.
I don’t have too many claims to fame, but occasionally I like to tell people that I grew up in the same town as Dale Carnegie: Belton, MO. Ironically, I had to travel to the opposite side of the globe before I invested the time to read what I have since considered the greatest leadership book of all-time: Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People. I’ve read through this book many times since then and even attended the Dale Carnegie capstone course which is over 100 years old. Therefore, I’d like to enthusiastically introduce you to one of my leadership heroes. I believe there is plenty we can all learn from the man who pioneered so much work in the area of personal leadership and influence.
One of the ideas I really latched on to when I started taking leadership courses in graduate school was John Maxwell’s quote, “everything rises and falls on leadership.” But I was also challenged by a response my leadership friends came up with, that leadership rises and falls on communication. If they were right, then it didn’t matter what I learned about leadership if I couldn’t communicate it. A quick self-assessment revealed that I could write, converse, and lead small group discussions, but I lacked training and experience speaking in front of groups.
Right then and there I promised myself I would become a better public speaker.
It’s pretty common that my friends or folks in my network will ask me what book they should read. I love the question, but it always puzzles me just a bit. Without any context, it feels kind of like they are asking me what outfit they should wear that day! But after a couple interchanges, it turns out they are usually referring to some kind of leadership book that will help them get to the next level.
